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Date: Wed, 25 Jun 1997 19:34:19 +0300
From: Noah Shalev noe @corky.net
Subject: [Fwd: (Fwd) Application form]

Subject: (Fwd) Application form
Date: Wed, 25 Jun 1997 12:00:11 +0300
From: "Nimrod S. Kerrett" zzzen @netvision.net.il
(by way of Boaz Rimmer boaz     @corky.net)

This came from Ido.
88
>This is an actual essay written by a college applicant to NYU.
>The author was accepted and is now attending NYU.
>
>3A.   IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO
>      KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE
>      FOLLOWING QUESTION:
>        ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR
>        ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE
>        YOU AS A PERSON?
>
>I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing
>ice.  I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch
>breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat
>retention.  I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write
>award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
>
>Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
>
>I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I
>can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and
>I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.  I am an expert
>in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
>
>Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once
>single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin
>from a horde of ferocious army ants.  I play bluegrass cello, I
>was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous
>documentaries.  When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges
>in my yard.  I enjoy urban hang gliding.  On Wednesdays, after
>school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
>
>I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless
>bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of
>corduroy evening wear.  I don't perspire.  I am a private
>citizen, yet I receive fan mail.  I have been caller number nine
>and have won the weekend passes.  Last summer I toured New
>Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration.  I bat
>400.
>
>My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in
>international botany circles.  Children trust me.
>
>I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly
>accuracy.  I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David
>Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire
>dining room that evening.  I know the exact location of every
>food item in the supermarket.  I have performed several covert
>operations with the CIA.  I sleep once a week; when I do sleep,
>I sleep in a chair.  While on vacation in Canada, I successfully
>negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small
>bakery.  The laws of physics do not apply to me.
>
>I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all
>paid.  On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in
>full-contact origami.  Years ago I discovered the meaning of
>life but forgot to write it down.  I have made extraordinary
>four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.
>
>I breed prizewinning clams.  I have won bullfights in San Juan,
>cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at
>the Kremlin.
>
>I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and
>I have spoken with Elvis.
>
>But I have not yet gone to college.

88

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